Towards the end of the semester, we officially started the meetings. A little over a month after the dissolution of my former partner, I am back in a non-monogamous relationship with a new main partner. I always like going on dates, kissing cute guys in bars and flirting with people on Tinder. It hasn`t changed, just my main partner. Even though Lotery thinks there are countless healthy ways and reasons to open a marriage, she doesn`t know when and why it`s probably not the best idea: “Look,” she says, “if your relationship is in a rocky place and you decide not to go monogamous to save it, 99% of the time, it won`t work.” Safe sex is also a common topic. A University of Michigan study that collected data on several hundred people through an online questionnaire found that people who cheat in monogamous relationships practice less safe sex than non-monogamous people consensually. All the non-monogamous people I spoke to spoke out about the importance of using condoms. “Not using a condom and not telling is probably the worst thing to do in a poly relationship,” Cathy said. “It happened to my ex. I`m done with chlamydia. We have all done that. I was absolutely smoking. It is difficult to quantify the amount of fraud that occurs in non-monogamous relationships, but the fact remains that polyamorous people can cheat and do so. In Mating In Captivity: Sex, Lies and Domestic Bliss, psychotherapist Esther Perel says that all relationships are based on trust and that breaches of that trust are a betrayal, just like in monogamous relationships.
She writes: “Even though the rules can be very different, they are fragile, and breaking them has equally painful consequences.” But all of a sudden, my relationship with the person I had just seen in November became more serious. It was so finished that she had a toothbrush in my apartment. And I fell on it, hard. It wasn`t like the feelings I had for my former partner. It happened in a totally new and different way. I went from not wanting someone to date them specifically in less than a month. But I don`t want to change who I am. I don`t want to be monogamous. Lotery has one last (and we could be excellent!) Giving advice: “More important than learning to communicate, hands down, is listening.” In her own practice, “she really teaches people to listen well, because if you understand what your partner says or wants, there`s bound to be more compassion and a willingness to stay curious and connect.” In The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival, author Kathy Labriola writes that separations, whether non-monogamous or polyamorous (a kind of emotional and physical non-monogamy with more than one partner) can be difficult because, as a rule, more than a person`s feelings are involved.